Hi,
I hope you all had a good Sunday celebrating moms. For some it may have been painful, for both moms and children, however old. I recognize the pain and different aspects of that even as we rejoice. For moms, after this Mother's Day here are my thoughts and some encouraging aspects from what I heard and know many experience. Be blessed as you read.
For many good moms, it has been challenging to raise responsible, good kids. I feel like we live in a world where some folks are trying to make us wear upside down eyeglasses. In my mother tongue Gujarati it is said "Duniya ne undha 🙃Chashma" !!!
I thank God that online, I was able to hear two good Mother's Day messages from two wise godly men. It was refreshing to hear sound preachers like David Jeremiah from Shadow Mountain, and, locally, Andy Smith in Lansing, IL, speak appreciative words; of the importance of having godly, good moms being in charge, having good control; and they spoke of healthy fear of good moms. Even as growing kids, these men were more afraid of their individual respective moms (and their good control, like Andy said), "than of streets". This was good and encouraging to hear. Why, because contrary to this fact, I have heard a twisted version of how "unhealthy" it is to fear, even good fear! While good healthy fear of God and of good godly parent is good and necessary, some in the world want you to believe fear is neither good, nor of God. They make you second guess yourself even of a job well done. I try to remember the Bible tells us in Proverbs 9:10 that, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."
Elsewhere it also says like,"... to fear God and keep His Commands." There also is a book called "The gift of fear". Healthy fear is natural and a God given protective emotion.
Yet, on the flip side of this there are unhealthy folks who twist this truth and present their unhealthy narrative. These folks despise, criticize and rebel against godly good moms. ( I mention moms here since it is Mommie's Day.) They have problems with good moms' good parental authority. They accuse her of "control", alleging that she's mean. A man that accused his mom of control is the same man who accuses his wife of control and, further misleads children to think mom is a problem, that she is controlling. They manipulate, look down on moms, be disrespectful towards mom, and modeling that, they cause her to second guess herself. So forget about co-parenting, they counter parent. One Bollywood movie of 1986 called "Dilwala" depicts this well of how a good judge, a mom (Smita Patil) has an alcoholic and irresponsible husband (Suresh Oberoi), who makes her life miserable and turns their kids against her, especially the daughter (Sarika). Please look for it and watch if you are able to, if it is available with English subtitles.
Then another thought comes to mind is, while some men truly serve, other men take on even what are basic life skills (but considered "womanly duties") like cooking, caring; or nurturing and soothing, and they manipulate the good by misusing it. They damage relationships by doing the "serving" from a Male dominant perspective, to reinforce their own ill-exercised superiority.
I am glad 2 years ago my wise Pastor Dan, who is very good at recognizing such scenarios, helped me process like "..as long as service is done out of a good heart to support and appreciate the other, it's ok. But if it's done to manipulate, recognize it as such, and stay oriented."
So on this Mother's Day I say:
Good, diligent, caring and loving mom,
A woman who exercises good self control is not bossy, she's good, wise, and a strong leader.
1. Be confident of the good godly control; it is entrusted to you by God, and exercise it well, no matter how much you are criticized and despised.
2. Be vigilant and be on guard of mix messages that make you go crazy.
3. Be prayerful, God knows everything, and will continue to encourage you.
4. Be supported: look for understanding community that knows how this imbalance power game is at play, and who validate your experiences and empower you.
5. Be patient: read stories of people who reiterate(d) that, evil cannot win, not for long. MLK Jr. Rephrased like "Moral arc of the universe is long, but it bends towards (true)justice" sooner or later. Leave room for God.
6. Be empowered by reading, sharing and speaking up even as you listen.
7. Be Processing pain prayerfully. Often times God shows up in very ordinary yet miraculous ways.
8. BE assertive and don't buy the alternative narrative that your good "control" is bad. If we did not, things would have gone haywire, and you will still be blamed for not being in control.
9. Be gratefully proud of you, your good discernment skills, proud, not arrogant!
10. Be listening to God, to your own internal dialogue, and to wise godly people who are supportive of the good ways of wise living.
In that regard to listening advices, I add this that the Bible also says, "Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety." Prov11:14
Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established. Prov:15:22
While it is good to wisely listen to many different sides, to come to a good choice, remember you specifically get the exclusive opportunity to choose to follow or not follow what and what not, and if you have followed possibly seeming different good advices, at different times, be glad that those advices were available, and you did the best you could to look at different angles, what seemed wiser.
So then here I share this story of A man, A Boy and A Donkey from Aesop’s fable, and my positive take on it, despite its negative implications.
A man and his son were once going with their donkey to market. As they were walking along by his side a countryman passed them and said, “You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?” So the man put the boy on the donkey, and they went on their way.
But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said, “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.”
So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other, “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.”
Well, the man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passersby began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at.
The men said, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours — you and your hulking son?”
The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, until at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all....
My thoughts: It is not always about people pleasing, this story is also about how different ways a person was open to listen, think it wise and followed good ideas; like ok, let's try that or this now; he tried different things at different stages. It is not wrong to give consideration to others' input and see different angles they come from. I think some of us think it's wrong to listen, or over confident not to listen, or second guessing ourselves if we did right or wrong and thus trying to find the best way to make peace.
Different phases of journey call for different aspects to play out. We live and act without feeling guilty. Set aside mockery, laughter and chiding and just thank God for people's input to enable you to think differently and change the dance steps as required. You still get to choose the action.
My further positive thoughts on this story.
1. Man, boy and donkey all 3 walking along side by side is a considerable action, all walking. It's people's problem if they thought of them as fools. At the start of the journey all three walking seemed well feasible. Then, they see it's time to change.
2. When the boy is on the donkey, rest assured to assume this that the boy needed the rest and donkey carried him. Boy is not lazy.
3. When the man gets on the donkey, by now man is tired and needed rest. Boy is considerate as he had his share of rest.
4. When both get on, hey, donkey is strong enough to carry both, thank God and pat donkey on his back.
5. Then the time comes when good old donkey is now in need of rest, and the man and his son finds a creative way to carry the donkey. Donkey carried both, both carry donkey. Kind regards for animal.
So, thanking God for all different situations and different people's different advices at different times and taking what seemed positively doable, having followed those, appreciate it and be at peace.
You can do either or neither and still feel guilty OR do try all and be at peace that at different times different situations called for different ideas.
I close with this encouragement from Pastor Andy Smith: "Often times as moms you judge your success or failure as moms on the end results of your kids. ....it's not the success or failure of your adult kids that determines whether you or not you are a great mom. Your faithfulness, steadfastness and love are the attributes. You are amazing! God sees your tears, work, your efforts that flow even this day! We are encouraging you."
Happy year ahead as you continue in steadfast love and faithfulness, practically all year around. May your "Endurance be inspired by hope" as Apostle Paul would say in 1Thess 1.
Sincerely
©️Kalpana Christian Sharma
