Every
year I read/listen to the Bible. I am perceiving a distinct perspective this
time as I contemplate Matthew 18 parable of "The unmerciful servant" that
numerous erroneous, ignorant, abusive and manipulative individuals misquote and
misappropriate through coercive preaching, insisting on a "70x7
forgiveness without counting and without accountability," from victims
thereby granting a license to wrongdoers to persist in wrongdoing and sin. This
parable is actually addressing the entitled abusers, not the genuine victims
seeking justice.
In
Matt.18 *after* instructing Peter to "forgive a sibling 70 times 7,"
the narrative takes a different route that is far from the concept of uncounted
70x7 blanket forgiveness to the entitled wrongdoer.
Six
years ago, a kind Pastor Dan Roels clarified and helped me understand stating
like "...the narrative begins with a ruler/master who wanted to settle
accounts. It's the "victim" who commands the debtors to settle their
obligations."
Nowhere
does it say, "Forgive even when they don't admit or ask for."
"Due
to the worker's inability to repay the debt, the master commanded that he,
along with his wife, children, and all his possessions, be sold to satisfy the
obligation" (V25).
The
ruler does not exhibit immediate forgiveness; *certainly not the openly widely
perpetuated unlimited 70x7 card.*
Upon
the worker's entreaty, the master granted forgiveness.
Interesting
turn takes place then. That worker also had a debtor. It is interesting that
the worker borrowed a very huge sum from the master but also loaned to a fellow
worker. Hmm!
Anyways,
returning to challenge the prevalent subject of "unlimited, unasked for,
non-accountable forgiveness that is imposed on the victims:
The
ruler/worker scenario is somewhat repeated. But the unkind worker refused to
listen to the similar pleas, and, thereafter imprisoned that colleague for
failing to repay his smaller loan.
Upon
learning of the cruel actions of the "forgiven" worker towards his
colleague, the master felt furious (rational indignation).
Notice
again, the master *did not* extend the 70x7 forgiving principle to the cruel,
unkind worker. Rather, the master chastised the inhumane worker and surrendered
him to the jailers for punishment until he fulfilled all debts. (Notice, it was
his greed that was addressed, not the need as previously assumed. Additionally,
this time, only the cruel worker was punished, not his family.)
It
implies that if a debt is due, a repayment demand is in order. If the other
party is unable to fulfill their financial obligation and implores you for
leniency, then you may choose to either permit repayment at their pace or forgo
the debt, contingent upon your requirements or regulations.
V35
states, "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you
sincerely forgive your brother or sister."
This
implies that we be kind to others too. The unkind debtor is treated as he
treated others: "As you act, not 70x 7." It does not say we allow wrongdoers to
continue harming others and us.
Now I
can hear some enablers say, "The transaction between the ruler/worker and
between colleagues are separate issues." (😃 there
is nothing to figure out in that. They are just enabling the abusers.)
Recently,
Pastor Paul Lundquist astutely noted that if the woman caught in the act of
adultery, (John 8) to whom Jesus proclaimed "go and sin no more,"
were to be captured repeatedly in the very act the following weeks, the
narrative would be different.
The
Apostle Paul states, "Admonish a contentious individual once, and then
admonish them a second time. Subsequently, cease any association with
them." Titus 3:10
Moreover,
the ruler did not admonish nor command the incarcerated victimized worker that
he should perpetually pardon the merciless perpetrator colleague 70x7 without
counting.
Jesus
also did not proclaim to the ruler, "You wicked master, your many sins are
forgiven, how you dare imprison your ungrateful, cruel, unkind servant?"
So
where do we find the boundless 70x7 forgiveness to unrepentant intentional
abusers who serially and repeatedly harm us? Why do many blindly determine to
sustain and preach a subject that is illogical?
Additionally,
the preceding verses Matt.18:15-20 also pertain to the same topic; however,
they do not encompass the concept of limitless, 70x7 forgiveness.
There
are steps toward authentic forgiveness, where the guilty sibling admits to
wrongdoing, repents and makes amends. These steps are not about culturally
superficial notions to "forgive even if they are not sorry, or forgive to
move on or it takes one to forgive and two to reconcile," kind of damaging
jargon. These verses give agencies to the victim to seek justice and hold the
perpetrators accountable even when they are siblings.
Matthew
18:15 states, "If your brother or sister trespasses against you,"
1)
Address their transgression privately
between the two of you. Caution: (I concur with a few advocates of some abuse
recovery groups that say that one has to be careful to do this step, with
prudence, judgment, and safety in mind, as there are instances when one should
not confront a violent abuser alone). If they heed your words, you have
successfully persuaded them. This is essential; upon agreement, heed and
resolve not to reiterate the behavior. Luke 17:3 aligns with Matthew 18:15, as
Luke states that
2)
if a brother or sister sins against you, "you
rebuke, they repent."
3) If they remain unresponsive, bring
one or two individuals with you; as the victim, you continue to seek
justice and hold the perpetrator accountable. If they decline to heed,
4) Convey it to the church. If they
disregard the church's counsel,
5) Regard them as an outsider; no
more sibling relationship.
6)
Also note Luke additionally writes, that if your sibling comes seven times in a
day and repents, you forgive; note the genuinely desperate wrongdoer sibling is
coming to you, to admit and repent. You are not the one chasing the wrongdoer. These
genuine siblings are unintentionally doing wrong and want to do right. They do
not perceive themselves as entitled to mistreat you; rather, they feel
compelled to come to you and seek your approval. These are not false apologies.
They are not the deliberate abusers who seek to harm you, and possess no
benevolence towards you. The ineffectual culture overlooks this significant
feature, as it does not address egregious offenses that strip away dignity,
demean individuals, willfully inflict maltreatment, and injure others.
7) Upon
further reflection, let me humor you! Consider your sibling colliding into your
vehicle or residence seven times in a day resulting in serious damages. May be
they need to relearn or practice more driving before getting on the road in
addition to acknowledge responsibility seven times in a day but also compensate
for damages, including the repair of your vehicle, shattered windows,
residence, and medical expenses if necessary. Their driver's license also might
be suspended. Consequences are necessary.
Nowhere does this take away the victim's voices
to shut up, to let go of the offense, or to continue to suffer and enable the
abuser to continue abusing. No, that is not the message of the good news. In
his inaugural speech Jesus is said to have proclaimed "good news to the
"poor, liberty to the oppressed recovery of the sight to the blind, and
favor of God" (Luke 4:18-19).
Blessings,
Kalpana aka KC.
