Matthew 18 parable in a clear perspective

Every year I read/listen to the Bible. I am perceiving a distinct perspective this time as I contemplate Matthew 18 parable of "The unmerciful servant" that numerous erroneous, ignorant, abusive and manipulative individuals misquote and misappropriate through coercive preaching, insisting on a "70x7 forgiveness without counting and without accountability," from victims thereby granting a license to wrongdoers to persist in wrongdoing and sin. This parable is actually addressing the entitled abusers, not the genuine victims seeking justice.

In Matt.18 *after* instructing Peter to "forgive a sibling 70 times 7," the narrative takes a different route that is far from the concept of uncounted 70x7 blanket forgiveness to the entitled wrongdoer.

Six years ago, a kind Pastor Dan Roels clarified and helped me understand stating like "...the narrative begins with a ruler/master who wanted to settle accounts. It's the "victim" who commands the debtors to settle their obligations."

Nowhere does it say, "Forgive even when they don't admit or ask for."

"Due to the worker's inability to repay the debt, the master commanded that he, along with his wife, children, and all his possessions, be sold to satisfy the obligation" (V25).

The ruler does not exhibit immediate forgiveness; *certainly not the openly widely perpetuated unlimited 70x7 card.*

Upon the worker's entreaty, the master granted forgiveness.

Interesting turn takes place then. That worker also had a debtor. It is interesting that the worker borrowed a very huge sum from the master but also loaned to a fellow worker. Hmm!

Anyways, returning to challenge the prevalent subject of "unlimited, unasked for, non-accountable forgiveness that is imposed on the victims:

The ruler/worker scenario is somewhat repeated. But the unkind worker refused to listen to the similar pleas, and, thereafter imprisoned that colleague for failing to repay his smaller loan.

Upon learning of the cruel actions of the "forgiven" worker towards his colleague, the master felt furious (rational indignation).

Notice again, the master *did not* extend the 70x7 forgiving principle to the cruel, unkind worker. Rather, the master chastised the inhumane worker and surrendered him to the jailers for punishment until he fulfilled all debts. (Notice, it was his greed that was addressed, not the need as previously assumed. Additionally, this time, only the cruel worker was punished, not his family.)

It implies that if a debt is due, a repayment demand is in order. If the other party is unable to fulfill their financial obligation and implores you for leniency, then you may choose to either permit repayment at their pace or forgo the debt, contingent upon your requirements or regulations.

V35 states, "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you sincerely forgive your brother or sister."

This implies that we be kind to others too. The unkind debtor is treated as he treated others: "As you act, not 70x 7."  It does not say we allow wrongdoers to continue harming others and us.

Now I can hear some enablers say, "The transaction between the ruler/worker and between colleagues are separate issues." (😃 there is nothing to figure out in that. They are just enabling the abusers.)

Recently, Pastor Paul Lundquist astutely noted that if the woman caught in the act of adultery, (John 8) to whom Jesus proclaimed "go and sin no more," were to be captured repeatedly in the very act the following weeks, the narrative would be different.

The Apostle Paul states, "Admonish a contentious individual once, and then admonish them a second time. Subsequently, cease any association with them." Titus 3:10

Moreover, the ruler did not admonish nor command the incarcerated victimized worker that he should perpetually pardon the merciless perpetrator colleague 70x7 without counting.

Jesus also did not proclaim to the ruler, "You wicked master, your many sins are forgiven, how you dare imprison your ungrateful, cruel, unkind servant?"

So where do we find the boundless 70x7 forgiveness to unrepentant intentional abusers who serially and repeatedly harm us? Why do many blindly determine to sustain and preach a subject that is illogical?

Additionally, the preceding verses Matt.18:15-20 also pertain to the same topic; however, they do not encompass the concept of limitless, 70x7 forgiveness.

There are steps toward authentic forgiveness, where the guilty sibling admits to wrongdoing, repents and makes amends. These steps are not about culturally superficial notions to "forgive even if they are not sorry, or forgive to move on or it takes one to forgive and two to reconcile," kind of damaging jargon. These verses give agencies to the victim to seek justice and hold the perpetrators accountable even when they are siblings.

Matthew 18:15 states, "If your brother or sister trespasses against you,"

1)               Address their transgression privately between the two of you. Caution: (I concur with a few advocates of some abuse recovery groups that say that one has to be careful to do this step, with prudence, judgment, and safety in mind, as there are instances when one should not confront a violent abuser alone). If they heed your words, you have successfully persuaded them. This is essential; upon agreement, heed and resolve not to reiterate the behavior. Luke 17:3 aligns with Matthew 18:15, as Luke states that

2)               if a brother or sister sins against you, "you rebuke, they repent." 

3)         If they remain unresponsive, bring one or two individuals with you; as the victim, you continue to seek justice and hold the perpetrator accountable. If they decline to heed,

4)         Convey it to the church. If they disregard the church's counsel, 

5)         Regard them as an outsider; no more sibling relationship.

6) Also note Luke additionally writes, that if your sibling comes seven times in a day and repents, you forgive; note the genuinely desperate wrongdoer sibling is coming to you, to admit and repent. You are not the one chasing the wrongdoer. These genuine siblings are unintentionally doing wrong and want to do right. They do not perceive themselves as entitled to mistreat you; rather, they feel compelled to come to you and seek your approval. These are not false apologies. They are not the deliberate abusers who seek to harm you, and possess no benevolence towards you. The ineffectual culture overlooks this significant feature, as it does not address egregious offenses that strip away dignity, demean individuals, willfully inflict maltreatment, and injure others. 

7) Upon further reflection, let me humor you! Consider your sibling colliding into your vehicle or residence seven times in a day resulting in serious damages. May be they need to relearn or practice more driving before getting on the road in addition to acknowledge responsibility seven times in a day but also compensate for damages, including the repair of your vehicle, shattered windows, residence, and medical expenses if necessary. Their driver's license also might be suspended. Consequences are necessary.

Nowhere does this take away the victim's voices to shut up, to let go of the offense, or to continue to suffer and enable the abuser to continue abusing. No, that is not the message of the good news. In his inaugural speech Jesus is said to have proclaimed "good news to the "poor, liberty to the oppressed recovery of the sight to the blind, and favor of God" (Luke 4:18-19). 

Blessings,

Kalpana aka KC. 

Mother's Day May 12th, 2024 Disparity in the Evangelical cultural Significance/Celebrations

Mother's Day musings.

Disparity in the evangelical cultural significance and celebrations between the Mother's Day and the Father's Day.

Certain congregations prioritize Father's Day more prominently. They not only exhibit the paternal characteristics of God but also personify the patriarchal title, authority, status, and identity through messages and songs that glorify God the Father.

However, Mother's Day is conventionally observed with a primary emphasis on honoring human mothers in the real world or those mentioned in religious texts.

While they acknowledge certain maternal qualities of God, they do not view God as a tangible and equivalent divine Mother in the same way as they do with a Father.

Some of us continue to examine this imbalance in the concepts, theologies, and dogmas of divinity.

While I state this I appreciate every clergy that will honor God as Mother. Thank you

-Kalpana C Sharma Aka KC

Malachi 2:14–16 fits David very well.

Every year when I go thru the Bible, I learn more and more about some characters. This time we see Michal was a victim of David's illtreatment of her.

Malachi 2:14–16 fits David very well. King David and his mistreatment of Michal his lawfully wedded wife... that even many counselors miss. With the exception of Bathsheba, most narratives portray David as a special, one-of-a-kind, and God-chosen individual, and "everything he did seem to be justified." However, hold on, the way he mistreated Michal, the wife of his youth and partner by marriage covenant is ignored. Michal was in love with David (1Sam 18:20), Michal loved David (1Sam. 18:28), helped David escape from her father's wrath (1 Sam 19:11-12) protected him and covered for him (1Sam.19:13-17). Yet how many preachers continue to find faults with Michal? And yet, David chose other women: Ahinoam of Jezreel; Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel; Maakah daughter of Talmai king of Geshur, Haggith; Abital; Eglah. (2Sam.3:2-5). These were not enough, he lusted after Bathsheba (2Sam.11) and ten other concubines are mentioned in 2 Sam. 15: 16,"The king set out, with his entire household following him; but he left ten concubines to take care of the palace. Furthermore, Jonathan's friendship meant more to him than Michal's love and looking out for him.

It is interesting that even a lot of religious coaches, counselors, and others who support abused communities heal, seem oblivious to the fact that Malachi 2:14–16 fits David very well. Long before David messed up with Bathsheba and her husband Uriah, he had "put away" Michal, the partner of his youth who loved him, and was a wife, by marriage covenant— something the Lord detests! Malachi 2:14 "...the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. .... So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. ‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful."

Even the religious communities that treasure these verses, the sanctity of marriage, this element and forbid others from divorcing/putting away their spouses considering this sacrosanct, yet, somehow they give a free pass to David.

After reading that David had already taken two wives Ahinoam of Jazreel and Abigail the widow of Nabal, we learn that Saul had given Michal to Paltiel. But wait, after Saul's passing, David demanded and got Michal back by force as his wife, (2Sam.13-16), while her then husband went weeping after her was sent away. So, hello! The patriarchal, male-oriented entitlement, and supremacy argument that "David was entitled to polygamy as a king" is a big no, no! When we discuss the unbiased and grounded God of the Scripture, that argument falls flat.

Even though David behaved defensive and respectful towards king Saul, when Saul attacked and even when David publically put on a show to be grieving Saul's passing severely, observe the venomous rage he displays toward Michal as he bragged about his own reign over that of Saul's (2 Sam 6). He took out his anger on Michal his wife after Saul's death.

As per Jonathan-David agreement, David sought and showed favor to Jonathan and his household but not to Jonathan's sister Michal?

By the way, it was ok to request help from Nabal but Nabal also had a right to refuse. David chose poorly to rely on the entitled right to expect something in exchange for his services guarding Nabal's property! David hadn't learned to accept Nabal's No. Thanks to Abigail's wisdom, he was restrained as she appeased him. There are two distinct facets to his treatment of Saul, and Jonathan vs Nabal, Paltiel and Uriah.

And taking pride in chopping off 200 foreskins instead of 100 is a discussion for another day! So far, I had halted my reading so I could process these thoughts!

David may have been a "man after God's own heart" initially in his young age but as he grew up, so did his ego, entitlement, misogyny; arrogance and abuse which is extremely unlike GOD!

Here are two important comments from those who understand the DA survivor communities and my responses:

"Yes! And I have always heard that how David treated Michal was somehow deserved because of how she "despised him" when he danced before the Lord. But she despised him because of how he had treated her and that was simply the final straw, and then he had the audacity to never sleep with her again after stealing her from a husband who clearly loved her. 😤"-Andrea Aleksandrova:

"Yes, yes, spot on! Thank you for sharing those important points. David despising her and putting her away in the first place is not even mentioned. David's loss to have taken Michal and her love for granted. Love was in front of him but he couldn't recognize. She had every reason to confront him. 🙌🙌👍"- Kc

"Yes! So much this! I am so deeply disturbed by the demonization of Michal. David treated her as a mere object to raise his own power and solidify his right to rule. He never saw her as a person with rights of her own."-Ruth Baron

"Yes, I agree 💯%. 👍 Although Bathsheba is blamed and falsely portrayed as a "seductress," I feel Bathsheba's narrative overtakes and overshadows Michal. Michal is a 1st DV victim in David's dealing. If David and Michal came for marital counseling what would any pastor/counselor/anyone in faith community advice. We already know 🙄😒" KC

I appreciate these fellow laborers in the healing communities. And it is our prayers and hope that many will give heed to victims in our midst and listen to their side of the story. Here is a little except from my Assertive Equality thesis. 

When I ask, "If David and Michal his lawfully wedded wife (who loved, protected and helped him escape) came what would the majority of faith communities advise? Today's leaders blame wives in destructive marriages. These women resonate with Michal and Bathsheba being blamed equally or solely as they witness double standards and selective grace giving in many counseling sessions. Malachi 2:16 "God hates divorce" is frequently misquoted and misused by many faith communities to threaten abused wives. However, the very context of that passage shows God was primarily addressing the faithless husbands who were taking their wives for granted, putting them away, and betraying them as I was told, "I will not love you, and I will not leave you. You suffer!" Men committing such debauchery are confronted, not the abused wives challenging, and seeking protection. It is observed that even while standing up for women's equality, some sincere people, in some ways, impose ideas that unknowingly marginalize women's strengths and agency. While reaching out and being supportive in abusive situations, women's autonomous agency needs to be recognized. Their discernment and strength need to be affirmed as they decide what is safe and for how long. To stay or to leave is their call. Every living creature, including a tiny ant, is hardwired with self-defense mechanisms. The use of that mechanism needs to be recognized even when one falls short in how it is used. The old half narratives necessitate balanced viewpoints." -Kalpana Christian Sharma, Assertive Equality, pg.49-50, LSTC, Mar, 2023. 

The devastating stories of the Judges 19 woman, and the host's virgin daughter, the kidnapped virgins of Gilead Jabesh, and pounced on Virgins of Shiloh!

The devastating stories of the Judges 19 woman, and the host's virgin daughter, the kidnapped virgins of Gilead Jabesh, and, the pounced-on Virgins of Shiloh in chapter 21! 

I completed listening to the book of Judges last month. Years back we used to read aloud the entire Bible as a family for over ten years, and this unsettling tale was tough to get through! Even after reading the Bible every year for almost 25 years, I still find the scenes in Judges chapters 19 to 21 unsettling and disturbing —where the Levite's "concubine" was brutally raped while the host's virgin daughter escaped the abuse by thin threads yet must have felt horrified all night—. I also find the women of Gilead Jabesh in Chapter 21 and the girls of Shiloh who were abducted in Chapter 22 unsettling. These stories depict a slaughter of crimes that will chill your spine. The Levite's concubine's narrative appears different in different translations of the Bible in the Judges chapter 19:2 According to the message version, "But she quarreled with him and left, returning to her father’s house in Bethlehem in Judah. She was there four months." 

NLT: She became angry with him...." NASB says she found him to be repugnant (LOL)! NRSV, "She became angry with him..."

KJV says, "And his concubine played the whore against him, and went away from him" NKJV is pretty much the same. ESV, NIV, and Bearean versions say "She was unfaithful to him."

Narration matters! Let us dig deeper. Why would he pursue her to get her back if she had betrayed him? Why was she upset with him? We don't know a lot of information about this Levite. The fact that he intends to "win her back" suggests that the narrative is only partial. 

Regretfully, the girl's father and the Levite have the conversations and insist on extended hospitality. The girl's voice has not been captured, if she could express her desire to return with the Levite or not!

He leads her through a boisterous area. Although the storming men from the village desire the Levite, the host greets them warmly, and then tragically, the host offers the Levite's concubine and his own virgin daughter and requests to leave the Levite alone. Have you studied that? V24 says, "Look, my virgin daughter and his concubine are here. I’ll bring them out for you. Abuse them if you must, but don’t do anything so senselessly vile to this man.” Omg!!!! who in their right mind can fathom this? Interesting they do not offer the man who accompanied the Levite and the concubine! 

"So the man took his concubine and brought her forth unto them, and they knew her and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go. 26 Then came the woman in the dawning of the day and fell down at the door of the man's house where her lord was, till it was light."

I am not sure if this was revenge that the Levite threw her to be gang-raped and then afterward cut her body into 12 pieces and sent them to all the tribes of Israel, describing himself as a victim. Whoa! Talk about his anger, his entitlement, and his brutality! That clarifies the reason for her initial leaving.

Second, as much as we feel for the concubine being gang r@ped all night, can you imagine the poor virgin daughter in the house, her mental state and thought process.

We need to lament these women's pain, trauma, and death. 

Chapter 20 is about massacre after massacre.

Chapter 21^st is about abducting virgin girls! After the massacre now they needed virgin girls for marriage to the abusive men that they went to war with! They would not give their daughters because of the oath they took against them but now see how they will find girls for these! So, they send a command!!!!! “Kill everyone of Jabesh Gilead, including women and children. These are your instructions: Every man and woman who has had sexual intercourse you must kill. But keep the virgins alive.” And that’s what they did. "And they found four hundred virgins among those who lived in Jabesh Gilead; they had never had sexual intercourse with a man. And they brought them to the camp at Shiloh, which is in the land of Canaan" (v.10-12). V 14 "But even then, there weren’t enough for all the men." 

Now the pouncing and preying on more virgin girls, who had gone for a festival!

"Then they said, “There is that festival of God held every year in Shiloh. It’s north of Bethel, just east of the main road that goes up from Bethel to Shechem and a little south of Lebonah.” So they told the Benjaminites, “Go and hide in the vineyards. Stay alert—when you see the Shiloh girls come out to dance the dances, run out of the vineyards, grab one of the Shiloh girls for your wife, and then hightail it back to the country of Benjamin. When their fathers or brothers come to lay charges against us, we’ll tell them, ‘We did them a favor. After all, we didn’t go to war and kill to get wives for men. And it wasn’t as if you were in on it by giving consent. But if you keep this up, you will incur blame.’” And that’s what the Benjaminites did: They carried off girls from the dance, wives enough for their number, got away, and went home to their inheritance. They rebuilt their towns and settled down. From there the People of Israel dispersed, each man heading back to his own tribe and clan, each to his own plot of land. At that time there was no king in Israel. People did whatever they felt like doing"(Judges 21:19-25). 

These are narratives of the horrible acts of violation, animosity, anger, revenge, entitlement, and abuse. These are not to be emulated but countered and denounced! Yet I have witnessed different reactions to this story. Some shiver like I do while reading it each time. Others remind me of the verse that says, in those days there was no king in Israel and everyone did what seemed right to them. Yet, few others especially from the patriarchal school of thought continue to blame the woman saying, "But she was unfaithful to him." Whoah, wait a minute, how about her running away from him due to his anger! She was upset with him because of his mistreatment, and anger. And she did leave! yet her fate is so horrific. You can be certain that women in such patriarchal households continue to be belittled and abused in different ways. 

The good news of the gospel is to continue to contend for respect, mutuality, and non-violent peaceful existence, including other species to live in harmony. No dominating, no violating, no overpowering but to reach out and heal. Jesus' inaugural speech in Luke, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me. to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor”(Luke4:18-19) spells it clearly! 

May we be instruments of healing. 

Kalpana

Vegan Cashew-Coco Yogo (Yogurt alternative)

 

Here is another trial at Vegan Yogurt. This time I used roasted/salted cashew nuts and a lighter coconut milk to make it a more liquidish type yogurt as you can see in the pic. 

Ingredients: 1.67 cups of coconut milk (Thai Kitchen brand) (Use whichever you find.  90g/3.20 oz, Roasted & Salted Cashews, 2 tablespoons of yogurt starter (I had from a previous batch. You can either use store-bought vegan yogurt or keep a few tablespoons aside as your yogurt starter. (1/4 teaspoon Citric Acid and a pinch of salt, This is optional. I like my yogurt tangy so I added this soaked in a tablespoon of water.)

Method: 

Soak cashews in water. I microwaved it for a minute or so just so to have warmish water then let it sit on the counter for 20-30 min. After that drain the water and rinse the cashew with cold water through a strainer. 

Add the cashew to the blender without any water and grind to break it up into smaller parts. 

Add coconut milk slowly and keep blending. Add the yogurt starter with the last batch of coconut milk and blend so it mixes well. 

Remove in a glass jar big enough to hold 3-4 cups. (Optional: Add the water with citric acid and salt and mix well. 

Please keep the lid of the jar open as it ferments because it will rise. I put my jar in a container just in case and covered it loosely with a hand towel around it. 

I let it ferment overnight at 73F room temperature. If it has risen you can mix it and refrigerate for 4-5 hours. 

If you like to add sweetener you can try that or use it as a yogurt alternative for other dishes. Remember to keep a few spoons aside as your next yogurt starter. 

It makes about two cups so if you take half a cup of serving the fitnesspal works out the calories as below. 

Enjoy! 

Yours truly, Kalpana aka KC!

Nutrition Facts
Servings 6.0
Amount Per Serving
calories 194
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 17 g	25 %
Saturated Fat 10 g	48 %
Monounsaturated Fat 0 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 0 g
Trans Fat 0 g
Cholesterol 0 mg	0 %
Sodium 52 mg	2 %
Potassium 2 mg	0 %
Total Carbohydrate 6 g	2 %
Dietary Fiber 0 g	1 %
Sugars 3 g
Protein 4 g	7 %
Vitamin A	0 %
Vitamin C	0 %
Calcium	0 %
Iron	5 %
* The Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, so your values may change depending on your calorie needs. The values here may not be 100% accurate because the recipes have not been professionally evaluated nor have they been evaluated by the U.S. FDA.

Mixed Berries w/Banana Veganice Cream

Here's simple easy Veganice cream. 

Ingredients: 1.65 cups, Organic Coconut Cream, 2 cups, Berry Medley, 2 medium, Banana, 0.50 cup, Almond Protein Powder, Gluten Free (or any other vegan protein powder), 0.50 cup(s), Pure  Cane Sugar (miss this if your protein powder has sugar) 

1. Slice the bananas and mix with the berries medley and blend it in the blender. (You can chill for a few hours if you like). I separated the coconut cream and water and then first added the cream and then slowly added the water as necessary! 

2. Add sugar and protein power slowly to mix well and blend again. When it is well mixed, add the coconut cream and blend just to mix it well. Do not overgrind it. 

3. Remove in a freezable container and freeze at least for 4-5 hours depending on the climate. 

4. Enjoy. It might be a good consistency solid but if you like real solid you can freeze overnight. 

Note: if you use protein powder with sugar in it, you do not need to add the sugar. Just taste and adjust accordingly. I like to add protein for thicker consistency and protein intake. 

Nutrition Facts
Servings 9.0
Amount Per Serving
calories 206
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 10 g	16 %
Saturated Fat 8 g	42 %
Monounsaturated Fat 0 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 0 g
Trans Fat 0 g
Cholesterol 0 mg	0 %
Sodium 16 mg	1 %
Potassium 305 mg	9 %
Total Carbohydrate 24 g	8 %
Dietary Fiber 3 g	12 %
Sugars 17 g
Protein 4 g	8 %
Vitamin A	1 %
Vitamin C	4 %
Calcium	5 %
Iron	6 %
* The Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000-calorie diet, so your values may change depending on your calorie needs. The values here may not be 100% accurate because the recipes have not been professionally evaluated nor have they been evaluated by the U.S. FDA.